TA for Learners - 00.04 TA Stroke Theory

TA for Learners 

00.04 TA Stroke Theory

(This Blog is a Chapter in 'My Little TA Book')
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Introducing Stroke Theory

Stimulus hunger is the most fundamental of the six psychological hungers. Stimulus hunger needs are met through the agency of strokes. We smile and look at each other. In the process we touch each other symbolically. We listen to each other and thus get our presence acknowledged. The commodity used to do all this is stroke.

Stroke represents an infant's need for touch. Rene Spitz an Austrian born, American Psychoanalyst found that physical, maternal and emotional deprivation in infancy results in severe neurological and emotional damage. He called the condition anaclytic depression. Victor, a ‘feral child’ resembling a human was captured in Aveyron Forest in Southern France in 1797. His retarded psychological, emotional and social development was severely affected because of absence of human contact and lack of physical touch.

Today it is recognised that being touched, being held, being close to each other, being patted and being hugged affectionately, results in decreased violent tendencies and in experiencing trust. It also results in decreased disease and better immunity, cooperation in groups and teams, as also a capacity for non-sexual emotional intimacy, engagement in learning and overall well being.

Stroke is a unit of recognition. It promotes social action. People seek strokes because it has survival value. It is also stimulating. A spoken word, a look, being heard, touched and being recognised are the means in which strokes are exchanged. In giving there is receiving. Any stroke be it healthy or unhealthy is better than no stroke at all. Little wonder that people seek situations, events, incidents, encounters, occurrences that provide strokes. Even seasoned criminals dread solitary confinement. This highlights the significance of strokes.

Types of Strokes

There are broadly three types of strokes. Positive and Negative, Verbal and Non-verbal and Conditional and Unconditional. Put together they generate eight types of strokes.

Positive Verbal Conditional;

Negative Verbal Conditional;

Positive Verbal Unconditional;               

Negative Verbal Unconditional;

Positive Non-verbal Conditional;           

Negative Non-verbal Conditional;

Positive Non-verbal Unconditional;

Negative Non-verbal Unconditional;

Positive and negative strokes - Positive strokes are pleasant, they provide a feeling of well being, boost self image, deliver a feel good factor. Negative strokes in contrast are unpleasant, they deprive feeling of well being, deny a good self image, and also deny a feel good factor. Positive strokes may not last long. In contrast negative strokes have a deep impact and stay for a long time. Healthy people do not welcome negative strokes. Negative strokes also leave trails of pain, hurt, insult and feeling bad.  Being attended to, being recognised, being praised, being upheld constitute positive strokes. Being overlooked, being blamed, being hung on the hook, being cornered constitute negative strokes. Positive strokes raise esteem and spirit. Negative strokes hurt the body down to the cell.

Verbal and Non-verbal strokes - Verbal strokes are given by means of speech and by saying something. Non-verbal strokes are given by facial expressions, gestures, touch, a hug, kiss, pat, holding, caressing and the like.

Conditional and unconditional strokes - Conditional strokes are given for a reason, for how we are, how we have performed or done something, or our appearance for being dressed well. Unconditional strokes are for who we are. You are lovable, you are good, I like you, I hate you, you are an asset, are some examples.

Special Types of Strokes

There are three special types of strokes. They are marshmallows, counterfeit strokes and filtered strokes.

Marshmallows - These are obviously insincere. Saying something to another without it being true in the least, are marshmallows. Some marshmallows get included in filtered stroke category.

Counterfeit Strokes - These are pleasant statements carrying pain, hurt or a 'sting'.

Filtered Strokes - Filtered strokes generate distortion of content and intent. Some filtered strokes are generated by the giver. Filtering or distortion of strokes may be carried out by the receiver as well. A well meaning statement is taken by the other in a distorted sense.

Stroke Accounting and Stroke Economy

Stroke accounting represents stroking practices psychologically and emotionally healthy people engage in. Stroke economy represents stroking practices script bound or script prone people engage in. It is the antithesis of stroke accounting. Stroke economy occurs because of stroke discounting. In either case, each of them asserts their view to be the right one. It is particularly so in the case with people who practice stroke economy.

Stroke accounting and stroke economy are terms that describe what people do with strokes. The main categories are giving, receiving, asking, rejecting and self stroking. I add two more categories - generating and demanding. There are two types of people. People who engage in stroke accounting and people who don’t. 

Strokes that are deep, impacting, lingering and difficult to forget leave lasting memories. If they are healthy, they boost esteem. If they are unhealthy, they generate rackets. They serve the purpose of converting an experience into a psychological trading stamp. People who excel in these qualities in matters of healthy strokes are rare and valued. The best of them are good natured grandmothers.

Stroke Accounting - Stroke accounting people have permission for giving, receiving and asking for strokes. They are also good in self stroking and in rejecting painful, hurting, injuring strokes. They excel in discarding negative strokes. Stroke accounting people uphold value, esteem, respect unto the person component and deal with behaviour in isolation. Healthy persons know how to be happy in the moment.

Stroke accounting persons are also good in generating positive strokes and demanding healthy positive strokes when they think or feel they deserve them. The best of this variety is found in children who love to sit on the lap of one of their parents.    

Stroke accounting is also done by: being sincere in receiving and giving strokes; intensifying verbal strokes by accompanying verbal content (using redundants, changed tone, volume, stress and diction), and non verbal content (look, handshake or a hug); finding a reason to stroke; by looking, listening, hearing attentively; thus reinforcing stroking.

Stroke accounting people are able to convert healthy strokes into impacting ones. Here is an example: "Hey the food tastes great. I love it. You have put in a lot of effort for this. You are a great cook."

Stroke Economy: Stroke discounting people practice stroke economy. Stroke economy is implemented in ways listed below:

They do not generate positive strokes. They are at ease generating negative strokes.

They do not give strokes they have with them to give. This means that they hold strokes with themselves unawarely. They justify and profess that their way of doing this is good. They do not know the ways of communicating criticism safely more as an observation instead of as a hurt.

They do not receive the strokes others give them. They shirk them off as being unnecessary even if they are pleasing. This may be noticed by the smile or laugh that accompanies receiving. This constitutes discounting the stroke. However, if the strokes are hurting they receive them instead of rejecting them. They reject strokes of praise and appreciation with a smile or a giggle or waving it away with a shrug or movement of the hand.

They do not ask for the strokes of appreciation, recognition that they need from others. They shy away. To the contrary they generate ‘conditions’ (rackets) that get others to give them negative hurting strokes. They do this through manipulation.

They do not reject or discard the strokes that are painful, hurting or injurious. They keep mulling over them, smarting in pain and hurt and keep stroking them.

They do not engage in self stroking. Each one of us has some talent, skill, aptitude, quality that is left unappreciated many a time. We can feel good that we are talented persons. Stroke discounting persons may engage in stroking their unproductive talents, skills, aptitudes, qualities. These in no way help to live a happy and successful life. Cynicism and scepticism also count in the same category.

Stroking Profile

Stroking profile is a bar-chart that provides a visual representation of habitual stroking patterns of a person. It is shown in the figure on page 48.

Stroke Bank

People facing a varying stroking environment use a stroke bank to store strokes and use stored strokes when people do not oblige them with their favoured strokes.

Stroking Reinforces Behaviour

This is a phenomenon all of us observe but pay little attention. Unhealthy behaviour occurs because of racketing. Racketing occurs unawarely. However, it is meant to draw attention of others for the wrong reasons. It is meant to obtain adverse attention and thereby stroking for dysfunctional behaviour. Racketing is in the nature of manipulating the environment with the purpose of obtaining strokes. Therefore providing strokes (attention) increases the incidence and intensity of behaviour. Therefore, it makes sense to withdraw attention from behaviour which is unhealthy.

One needs to take time to generate an appropriate response to an unhealthy behaviour. The response is one that fulfils five requirements. They are Sane, Safe, Appropriate, Effective and Non-harm causing. This corrects behaviour without intensifying unhealthy behaviour.

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(This Blog is a Chapter in 'My Little TA Book')

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