TA for Learners - 00.09 Practices to Live a Healthy Life
TA for Learners
00.09 Practices to Live a Healthy Life
(This Blog is a Chapter in 'My Little TA Book')
List of Contents
(This Blog is a Chapter in 'My Little TA Book')
List of Contents
Closing Escape Hatches
This is done by reciting this assertion which ensures that scripty impulses do not get the better of a script-ridden person. It is to be recited when the person is in a good frame of mind. Here is the assertion for closing escape hatches:
No matter what happens . . . . . I shall never ever harm or hurt myself, or harm or hurt another, or do anything or cause to be done anything that may lead to material damage or financial loss. I shall restrain myself whenever I am urged to retaliate or harm self or another.
Using Permissions
We benefit by reciting these permissions:
1. I have permission to give myself permission.
2. I give myself permission to be aware of thinking, feeling, emotional processes happening within me.
3. I give myself permission to talk to my mind and ask it to disengage from hurting, painful and unhealthy thinking, feeling and emotional log-jams.
4. I give myself permission to be kind, loving, friendly, forgiving and forgetting.
5. I give myself permission to free myself from the hook-ons of urges, drives and impulses.
6. I give myself permission to be free of justifying and protecting my views of others.
7. I give myself permission to be free of blaming and / or finger pointing for mistakes committed by me or by others.
8. I give myself permission to make coherent and logical expectations and be free of compulsive anticipation.
9. I give myself permission to be at peace with myself and with others.
10. I give myself permission to be empowered when people or circumstances of life trigger me into being trapped.
Reciting Commitments
It helps to recite these commitments at least once a day till it gets planted into the neuro-psychic system. Attitudinal and behavioural changes provide evidence that the commitments have been incorporated by the system.
1. I am committed to deal with people, situations, problems, difficulties, challenges and conditions of life sanely, safely, appropriately, effectively and without causing harm to self or another or causing material damage or financial loss.
2. I am committed to deal with events, happenings, occurrences, incidents sanely, safely, appropriately, effectively and without causing harm to self or another or causing material damage or financial loss.
3. I am committed to rid my mind of thinking, imagining, fantasising, feeling, emotional log-jams. This I will do by giving my mind permission to let go the concerned log-jam.
4. I am committed to be free of blaming others.
5. I am committed to be free of justifying, protecting and professing my point of view, my perception, evaluation, assessment and conclusion.
6. I am committed to be free of needlessly expecting and anticipating.
7. I am committed to free myself from feelings of hurt, insult, blame, being cornered or feeling guilty.
8. I am committed to establish loving, affectionate rewarding relationships.
9. I am committed to remedy hurt or broken relationships by forgetting past events and moving on in the relationship as if the things past did not happen.
10. I am committed to these sayings. A stitch in time saves nine. Better be safe than be sorry. Better to speak up and inform instead of holding back saying ‘what if’ or ‘what will he or she think’.
Dealing with Drivers
I am in agreement with Andrianne Lee who provides a drowning person’s diagram. The same is shown below.
As a consequence here is an advisory:
It does not pay to use allowers alone to cure script. We rest in driver after journeying through script. This is shown with the help of a modified version of miniscript diagram appearing below underscoring the role of drivers as life jackets to survive in our lives.
It is mentioned earlier on page 81 that script and other dysfunctional mechanisms such as strokes, transactions, games and rackets exhibit inertia and maintain homeostasis. It is therefore necessary to make the neuro-psychic mechanism amenable to accept change. This can be done by doing simple things differently, by implementing change in a 'speck of the moment'. Some eight odd items are cited here for ease of understanding.
1. Walking down stairs the other leg first.
2. Changing the foot in which we first wear socks and shoes.
3. Changing the side of the face we start shaving.
4. Buttoning apparel in reverse order.
5. Drinking water with the other hand.
6. Sitting and drinking water instead of standing and drinking water.
7. Wearing the wrist watch on the other hand.
8. Changing the accustomed seat at home in the hall.
9. Using the other hand for leafing the newspaper.
10. Soaping the body in another order.
Changing the order in this manner triggers formation of new nerve endings in the brain. This is neuro-genesis. Then over time neuro-synthesis occurs. This means that nerves in the brain connect in new ways. Then over still more time neuro-plasticity sets in. This means that networks of nerves connect in new ways. Note: These definitions may not be strictly correct. They are meant to convey the process and not provide any scientifically accepted explanation of the process.
This process is best run over six to eight weeks. Now the neural system has become amenable (open and responsive) to change. The immediate result will be increased awareness about hitherto before unnoticed patterns of thinking, feeling, behaviour and actions.
Promoting Personal Growth
To sprout pulses, we soak them in water for a few hours then keep them wrapped in a moist cloth overnight. The seeds represent hidden capacities. Their sprouting represents growth. The process indicates action of change.
Personal Growth is fostered by conducting dysfunctional activities in healthy ways. Admitting rackets and games instead of justifying, protecting our own view. Another process achieves growth as well. It is this: incorporating positive aspects of ego states into the personality structure. It helps to respond to people and situations consciously with an empowered Adult.
Promoting Personal Development
Agriculturists and gardeners de-weed soil, rake soil around plants, remove dead leaves and dried twigs, and spray insecticides when required. Thus they care for the plants and help them grow.
We too can effect personal development by reviewing our patterns of response to people, situations, problems and difficulties et cetera. Then by replacing the old patterns by new patterns. The effects of injunctions can be overcome by disregarding their command. The task may appear daunting. We can give our mind an appropriate permission on lines given on pages 85 and 86. Similarly personal development is fostered by generating an action plan to replace thinking disorders, fantasies, autistic thinking and script related hook-ups. It is easily achieved by telling our mind this: “O my mind. I find that you are engaged in . . . . . I have authority to give you permission. I give you permission to give up your engagement. I will do the needful in the matter”.
Promoting Personality Development
Personality Development is the process of building a healthy personality. Personality in TA means the manner in which the intra-psychic components (ego states) organise themselves in response to internal and external stimuli. A person with a healthy personality is able to choose between many courses of response, and put into action the one which is most appropriate and suitable to end the situation or solve a problem. This by keeping in mind that the response has to be sane, safe, effective and does not leave traces of hurt memories. Such a personality is built by three processes. They are: freeing the Free Child, installing a permissive Parent and building an empowered Adult in that order. The activities to achieve this are given on pages 91 and 92.
Freeing the Free Child
The Free Child is freed by implementing two activities over three to six weeks.
1. Nibbling a biscuit a day, slowly and deliberately, over half an hour.
2. Eating a meal a day over 30 to 40 minutes free of reading, talking, watching TV, using mobile phone, reading a newspaper or other activity. The process of eating is to be done slowly, attentively and deliberately experiencing the colour, warmth, consistency, feel, taste, flavour, aroma of each of the food items.
Building an Acquiescent Free Child
Acquiescence means reluctantly agreeing without protest. It is built by practising being close and seeking body contact (safely). Other ways are by being intimate, being loving, being forgiving, and being forgetting. Free Child is also built by seeking cosiness in bed, and sleeping head ploughed into the pillow. It functions in support of the Adult, while it is dealing with reality situations and people. It also supports the Adult to implement reality testing routinely.
Installing a Permissive Parent
A permissive Controlling and Nurturing Parent is endocrinologically programmed. Endocrinologically programmed means controlled by related hormones seen in mammals toward their offspring. This means caring, loving and kind without interfering with the Child's process of growth. It is also safety, security promoting and at the same time being assisting and encouraging. The permissive Parent in an adult functions non-punitively toward internal Child.
Building an Empowered Adult
An empowered Adult is free of pathology and functions with Permissive Parent support and Acquiescence of the Free Child. It is able to perceive, evaluate and assess reality using reality testing. It is able to forecast the outcomes of various courses of actions. It is able to generate five options. These are (+)CP, (+)NP, A, (+)AC and (+)FC dominant assessments of reality. Thus it is able to interact with others in a level and game free manner, free of pathology.
Implementing Telencyphalisation
Telencyphalisation is a process. One typically pushes responses to reality situations from brain-stem through the mid-brain to the fore-brain.
Promoting Personal Effectiveness
A dentist’s experienced assistant can carry out most of the dental treatments the dentist does. However, he cannot handle cases when the patient faints or passes out on the chair. Therefore effectiveness is a quality gained by having a professional capacity to handle difficult situations safely.
Personal Effectiveness is manifest in persons operating from an empowered Adult. It helps them to deal with persons who may manipulate others in service of their script.
Personal Effectiveness helps to:
l Know, that human behaviour changes with change in place, time, role, situation, condition and needs. We need to deal with them appropriately.
l End situations.
l Solve problems.
l Make decisions.
l Tide over difficulties.
l Endure trying conditions.
l Face challenges.
l Accept and resolve conflicts.
l End games.
l Resolve rackets.
l Build healthy rewarding relationships.
l Be free of passive behaviours and thinking disorders.
Being Loving
Loving means (a) being accepting (b) being kind, considerate and affectionate and (c) being helpful, assisting and caring. It shows up as a capacity for intimacy without occurrence of threat or put-downs. Loving is also expressed by (a) not holding on to unpleasant feelings about another (b) being free of expecting and (c) having capacity for a dialectical approach. Dialectical means the ability to simultaneously see reality from own and other person's point of view.
Being Friendly
Being friendly means being kind, caring, helping, forgiving and forgetting. Being friendly also means being other person accepting and overlooking the defects and shortcomings in the other.
Being Forgiving
Being forgiving is having and using the ability to separate person from behaviour. The person is aware that forgiving has nothing to do with another. It has everything to do with oneself. Forgiving is becoming free of consuming poison in the the hope that the other will suffer. With this a forgiving person is able to let go.
Being Forgetting
Forgetting is the art of deliberately working to free our mind from log-jams about events, persons, happenings and experiences.
Being Discarding
Discarding is the art of discarding troubling thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences about persons, events, occurrences, happenings and thereby keeping the mind free of lock-jams, fantasies and autistic thinking.
Freedom from Psychological Time Engagements
Psychological time is the patch of overlap of past and future. It deprives the possibility of being in and using the present moment. Being needlessly occupied with results of interactions, events, happenings, occurrences or engagements of the past, and those that are yet to happen is being locked in psychological time. It shows up in evaluating past events and planning for future events or to give back.
Practising Hugging
Hugging gets to release happiness generating hormones. It helps us to get over any disturbances that may be occupying our mind. Hugging helps to discharge feelings and emotions that are generated due to game engagements. It helps us to move to intimacy and forget interactions in peace and amity. Hugging provides opportunities to have positive orientation about the other and thereby reduces mind being drowned in adverse thinking.
Ending Games
Games are ended by implementing roll back and move forward at switch or crossup. Game stands ended when the past event or topic is conveniently forgotten. Connecting to the other with a fresh mind also results in ending game. A shake hand requires two hands. Games happen because of mutuality. So both are unknowingly and nin-deliberately at fault in some way. Games are ended by getting on with the other, every single time without carrying forward painful or troubling memories of the past.
Ending Thinking Rackets
Our mind gets occupied with such rackets. One can give the mind permission to give up. Then follow up by saying this: “O! my mind. Do not be needlessly occupied with this thinking. Give it up. I shall do the needful about it.” Presto the mind quickly returns to calm and peace. If this process does not work, then do it again after implementing script healing exercise (given on pages 96-98).
Ending Emotional Rackets
Emotional Rackets are emotion laden experiences of pain, hurt, insult, showdown, or hurt to dignity, respect, esteem or pride or guilt, shame or feeling sorry. They are mental / mind log-jams. They take us in down-spins to the eye of a whirlpool and keep us drowned there.
Our mind gets occupied with such rackets. One can give mind permission to give up. Then follow up by saying this: “O! my mind. Do not be needlessly occupied with this log-jam. Give it up, I shall do the needful about it.” Presto the mind quickly returns to calm and peace. If this process does not yield the desired result then first implement script healing (given on pages 96-98) and follow up as suggested here.
Dealing with feelings
Feelings are sensations. They are signals calling upon us to take action much like traffic signals. Sadness is released by sharing it with another. Anger is released by expressing it safely as per Non Violent Communication prescription. It is this: (1) Report the observation. (2) Report the feeling. (3) Report the Need. (4) Make a request. Fear is discharged by taking it for real and making out an action plan. Fear loses steam once an action plan is in place.
Gaining Good Mental Health
Our mind has thinking, feeling and wanting as its three principal functions. Thinking helps to make sense of things internal and external. Thinking aids perception, evaluation, assessment and probability testing. Feelings determine the state of our mind. We experience being happy, sad, angry, dejected, anxious, stressed, excited, worried, as feelings. Wanting drives us to act. It shows up as desires, motives, values, goals, objectives, purposes and the like. Of the three thinking is the generator and regulator of the other two.
A person of good mental health thinks rationally, is able to discharge stress and is able to generate beneficial wants. The person is free of egocentricity, is well balanced, and is free of mind over occupation.
The mind then helps to respond sanely, safely, appropriately, effectively and without causing harm to self or the other. The person is then able to be at peace with self and the other/s.
Gaining Psychological Well Being
A person enjoying Psychological Well Being is able to be at ease spending time being alone and also in equal ease spending time in the company of others. The person is able to work with others to achieve common goals despite having differences. It provides the person with a sense of well being, contentment and being happy with circumstances of life. This is generated by having self-acceptance, a purpose in life, drive to gain mastery, autonomy and rewarding relationships with others.
Psychological Well Being is manifest with having four capacities. They are Hope, Efficacy, Resilience and Optimism.
Hope is a cognitive capacity which supports a will to generate desired results.
Efficacy is an individual’s belief about self capacity to produce desired results.
Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from adversity and grow stronger after overcoming challenging events.
Optimism is a self-attribution of the ability to be successful now and also in the future, on the occurrence of any happening or event.
Building Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships are built by observing discipline, having mutual respect and exercising restraint. Healthy relationships are built with elements of love, affection, respect, forgiving and forgetting. The participating members implement intimacy. They interact level, free of one up or one down orientations, and marked by open, honest, game free communications. Healthy relationships are free of exploitation. Congeniality is an important quality too.
Script Free Living (Script Healing)
A person living a script free life is free of discounting in three areas (self, others and world at large), of three types (of stimuli, of problems and of options), at four levels (of awareness, of significance, of solvability and changeability and of personal ability - see pages 39-41). As a result the person’s perceptual frame is non-scripty. Consequentially the person does not engage in redefining. As a result the person is largely free of passivity, thinking disorders, ulterior transactions, redefining transactions, games, racketing and is able to use allowers and permissions.
Viewed from another perspective the person is able to disengage from log-jams in compulsive thinking, feelings and emotional supercharges, fantasising and autistic thinking. The person is then able to enjoy a peaceful, largely non functional as yet very effective mind.
Script free living provides an opportunity to disengage from the aforesaid log-jams. Script is linked to a childhood decision which has complementing statements about self, others and life. I have devised a method to defuse the script process. The same is mentioned here.
Start by identifying the reason why the mind is active.
1. Keeping the reason in mind, identify the the associated thinking.
2. Keeping the thinking in mind, identify the the associated feeling.
3. Keeping the feeling in mind, identify the associated emotion.
4. Keeping the emotion in mind, identify the associated body sensation.
5. Keeping the body sensation in mind, identify the self esteem impacting scripty thinking.
6. Keeping the scripty thinking in mind, identify the associated scripty feeling.
Now the exploration process is over. The script healing process can now be conducted. Go stage by stage from 6 to 1 following the instructions given here:
1. Connect to the script feeling at 6 in the first list. Notice it, recognise it, accept it, become comfortable with it, say it is OK to have it, linger in relief for a while. Then move on to script thinking at 5 in the first list.
2. Connect to the script thinking at 5 in the first list. Notice it, recognise it, accept it, become comfortable with it, say it is OK to have it, linger in relief for a while. Then move on to the body sensation at 4 in the first list.
3. Connect to the body sensation at 4 in the first list. Notice it, recognise it, accept it, become comfortable with it, say it is OK to have it, linger in relief for a while. Then mive on the emotion at 3 in the first list.
4. Connect to the emotion at 3 in the first list. Notice it, recognise it, accept it, become comfortable with it, say it is OK to have it, linger in relief for a while. Then move on to the feeling at 2 in the first list.
5. Connect to the feeling at 2 in the first list. Notice it, recognise it, accept it, become comfortable with it, say it is OK to have it, linger in relief for a while. Then move on to the thinking at 1 in the first list.
6. Connect to the thinking at 1 in the first list. Notice it, recognise it, accept it, become comfortable with it, say it is OK to have it, linger in relief for a while. That brings us to the end of the exercise.
Now bring to mind the reason why the mind was active. The person will experience 30 to 50 percent drop in stress and stuckness of mind engagement. Running the process three times heals one script activation source. We can then talk to our mind and ask it to give up the thinking, feeling and emotional log-jams explained on pages 94-95 .
Script Healing using TA is also possible by implementing Berne’s suggestions given on page 80-81.
Gaining Awareness
Being aware is being conscious about something. It dispels discounting. We can generate and have awareness about sensations, mind occupations and processes, psychological time engagements, racket take-overs, scripty orientations, games and rackets.
Gaining Autonomy
Autonomy is described by Berne in a section at the end of his book ‘Games People Play’. Autonomy is marked by awareness, spontaneity and intimacy. Awareness is already described above. Spontaneity is the ability to generate responses to reality and reality situations by organising ego states of sorts. Intimacy is the capacity to candidly, openly and honestly express one’s views, thinking, feeling, opinions without threat or submission, and without adopting a one up or one down position.
The Moment is all we have
We live our life in years, years in months, months in days, days in hours, hours in minutes and minutes in seconds. Each second is comprised of five moments. So in reality we live our life from moment to moment. It is only the prevailing moment that we have in hand to do something. This moment is available every moment all though our life span.
Creating and Entering the Moment
We can create the moment by asking these three questions and pausing for ten seconds after each statement then wondering and after making the ‘No’ assertion.
1. What is this mind thinking?
2. Do I need to think?
3. No
It creates a meditative mind. A meditative mind promotes being peaceful. It can then be used for many activities listed in this part (Part II) of the book.
Building a Successful Life
A successful person focuses on bettering him/herself. This without competing with or bettering another. Such a person is able to steer through life with least threat to self or another. Failure is inherent to activity. How a person responds when he fails, loses, suffers loss, ends up having a soured relationship decides whether the person is successful or not. A successful person has a plan B in place on encountering failure in achieving his goals. A successful person is at peace with him/herself and free of stress. The person enjoys excellent rewarding relationships. The person is steered and driven in life by a set of values which he serves in every act that he or she performs. Thus we can build a successful life.
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(This Blog is a Chapter in 'My Little TA Book')
You can go to other blogs by clicking the link below.
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The author can be reached at:
taforyouandme@gmail.com
ajitpkarve@gmail.com
+91 9822024037
The author can be reached at:
taforyouandme@gmail.com
ajitpkarve@gmail.com
+91 9822024037
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